on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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