and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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