hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my shit smells like andre
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm having to shit out rocks
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