how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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