You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize