i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were trust falling into bushes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
