you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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