that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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