Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
