Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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