Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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