he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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