3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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