pop tarts are not kleenex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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