It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is the high leading the old right now
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
