shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
