I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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