Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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