Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
