he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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