Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
His nipple licking is glorious
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