My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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