i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
