So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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