i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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