my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do herpes really smell.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
