At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
