apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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