She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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