A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
