I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
