Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
