I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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