Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
