How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
