i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm passing your future prison.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
