sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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