i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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