i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
