no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
