proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish i was in the wii world.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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