they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
