Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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