OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
