That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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