I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's never too late to be topless.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
