i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
