she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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