when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
