Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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