I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
