hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
