Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
