please come you make the beer taste better
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
