Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
