Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
