it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
