Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
