apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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