he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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