How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
