Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
