i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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