sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
As shirtless as possible
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
