did you get engaged???
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
