I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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